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Just found out something today. My best friend informed me that we won’t be going to Vegas this year :/ however, its because she has a change of plans. My best friend is pregnant!! Its honestly the only reason I can think of that makes the entire not going to Vegas thing ok. My best friend is having a baby! I cant freaking believe it. We’ve talked about this stuff for years but now that it’s actually happening I cant believe it! Im so happy for her :) gah
Im not playing “chase me”. You either want me or you dont. And with that being said I’m tired of waiting. Im not the most patient person around. I just want to know his feelings towards me. Does he like me enough to be his girlfriend and if not then fucking let me know so I can move on to bigger…
Im utterly confused. I don’t know what is going on between Nick and I. Im honestly hoping he doesn’t turn out to be a douche like all the others… I just dont know what he’s thinking or how he feels about me and im going out of my mind.
Dont get me wrong, I had a lot of fun this weekend. I just…I…
This weekend cant get here soon enough. I cant even focus on work because of him. I find myself constantly picking up my phone to look at my wallpaper or checking to see if he text me. I got it bad. I’ve never been so attracted and attached so fast. But im ok with it:) I so badly want to see where this goes. To have this adventure. To hope that the adventure never ends. Damn, im so screwed lol
Ok. Grrrr. Where to I begin with today’s frustrations…. ok ok so first off today would have been my 3rd anniversary with Tanner…. so its been kinda sucky there. I mean im over him and stuff it’s just the relationship I miss. The main thing is the fact that I wasted two years of my life on that is…
Im letting go:) Ive been bottling up all of my fears lately and I just need to let them go. I want to be happy and I cant be happy if im hanging on to all the past hurt. So im letting go.
Im no longer going to hold myself back from loving someone. Im not going to sit back and watch opportunities go by.
My life has been pulled back far enough and now is the time to go forward:)
Well, I feel better today. Not so high strung. I’m pretty sure my breakdown yesterday was all because im PMSing… I dont know why I spazzed out. I guess im not use to moving so fast but whatever. Life’s too short :) im going to do what I want when I want. Now to just figure out what he thinks about it all. I just dont want to do that conversation over text lol
So…. im kinda wiggling out :/ i really like Nick and im super afraid of moving too fast… I dont want to screw this up :/ but sex complicates everything and I had sex with Nick last night…. I dont want him to think that he has to sleep with me just because i have had sex before…I dont want him to think im a slut. I dont want him to think that sex is all I want. Its really not. I could do without it. I dont want sex. I want a relationship. I want to find that person who likes me for me. I want to laugh and have adventures and do crazy things with someone. Nick is by far the one person I have ever had the most in common with. I feel like I could sit next to him for hours and not say a word…. just being near him makes me happy. And then I want to know more about him. More about his life, how he grew up, what is favorite memories are and all the crazy things he’s already done. I want to know his past and what he wants for the future…. I want to know him….and Im afraid that moving too fast will screw it up…. god, im so afraid. I really really like him….what the hell do I do…
So fuck Steve. I finally told him to go fuck himself. After a numerous amount of years of dealing with the emotional and mental abuse im done. “You were never there for me and only wanted in my pants well guess what asshole ive grown up and I can see you for what you really are. You are an loser….
Meant to post this here to begin with….damn this app xD